Stretch.

Photo by me. Amsterdam, 2018 #thisisCraig

I’m going to preface this by saying--I never liked yoga. Never. Specifically, classes. Years ago, I gave them up. I was in a class and I thought to myself, after months of trying to find the cerebral holistic joy that everyone claims, I hate this. Like I actually can’t stand this. And I got up and left in the middle of a pose. (To be fair, yoga classes can be pretentious as fuck.)

Movement for actors I loved, Pilates I loved, but I’m not a natural athlete. I’m the type of person who ‘loves to play tennis’… when I’m out there. On the court. Playing. But I won’t actually do it unless someone forces me. Same with snowboarding. I’m just not gonna drag a board up a mountain. That shit is a lot of work and a lot of gear and it requires travel.

As part of selfish actress – I wanted to focus on body. At least, have that be a focus. Dance, posture, movement and physicality have fascinated me for a long time. In a way I don’t think I can fully explain. Why do some people walk into a room and it’s like the wind comes with them. Sexy wind, not like frigid chaotic wind. How can a person barely 5’2” have so much presence. Why, when I stand a certain way, do I feel a certain thing. When I meditate, what is that zing that goes up my body, almost like butterflies from being on a roller coaster. I can change nearly everything about myself by the way I walk. Not just me – anyone.

in my lair.

Anyway, since I’m boycotting my local gym because I don’t like their start up prices and refuse to sign a contract – I’ve been doing my stretches/yoga at home. In my cute little bedroom. It's probably better this way actually. I will return to said gym when their promotions don’t offend me. Or I’m going to become a member of the Soho House. Actually yes, let’s do that. Good plan team. Can you tell I often write in stream of consciousness? All those years at my journal, the 15 pages I read of ‘The Artists Way’ – time not lost!

I started reading 'Lucid Body', again. (Amazing.) Yet another book I started years ago and never finished. I spent an hour at the library (#NYPL) looking up basic yoga poses on the internet and watching videos on movement for acting. Idea being - this will be a start back into Movement. The physical warm-up. Oh so important.

And so it goes, usually: "I'll do this [stretching] for 30 minutes." Meanwhile--two hours later--I'm wrapping up. (I’ve decided this is actually a bad habit and I need to be more quick and dirty.) But. Afterward. It's like I am hovering above my body. I feel taller. I AM taller. That is a fact. It must be. My brain moves like it's combing through goop. Like it could be on a hallucinogenic. My breathing is different. I can feel oxygen in my legs and in my back. I can feel it there. How my muscles hang, or my bones, idk, is different. I feel more primal, and alive. I realize there are certain parts of my body that are actually fucked and need real attention. Primarily, shoulder. In a weird way, it's like being under water. And yet more capable of being positive, and outside of self - ie. brain.

This does not require… athleticism. Truly, these are basic poses and basic stretches like you would do after a workout, except extended. And movement shit for actors which is also very basic. I also improv a lot. You can usually feel when something is working or opening. (Or conversely, not working.) It requires breathing, patience and focus. That is it. I can see why people rave about yoga. It is a completely crazy thing.

So I don't hate yoga. But I’ve realized that I move at a specific pace and stretching is highly personal. I take my time and it’s different every time and the things I focus on are different every time. So me in a yoga class does not work. Movement class on the other hand... (#goals). Oh blessed movement.

I just want to address this. And flat out say, hopefully not coming across as a righteous or pretentious little bitch, because I hate that shit--if you are not doing this, that is a mistake. That is my opinion. Your body is profound magic.

typical day.

It breaks my heart when I think about my Dad and my brother and how they will never pursue this kind of knowledge and don’t respect it. I routinely will get into doldrums thinking about this. About the gift of living in this era where it is common to hear people say - go inward. Breathe. Listen to your body. Have compassion. All of that. We are profoundly lucky in that regard to be alive at this point in history. Unless you are gifted or taught, you just don't know to pursue that kind of knowledge. At least, I didn't.

I also thank the Universe that I am actor, because I’ve been exposed to things I never otherwise would have been and it’s forced me to be open minded. I’m thankful I’ve had emotional/psychological issues for the same reason. It forced me to go to spiritual places. Like a retreat in St. Helena (Go #HoffmanProcess) and teaching myself to exercise, and also how to enjoy it. And trying A LOT of different things to find my specific groove #froofrooshit. It’s like Craig says - we are entering the #AquarianAge and there is a reason people are finding this now. *Also, you don't have to be an actor to do this.

Namaste.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.