Sometimes I hate this.

Apricot in repose.

Wanted to talk about the election, the last two weeks, all the goings on.

My apartment - or I guess, the apartment - is too quiet. I fucking hate when things are too quiet. That's how I know I'm off, when the quiet bothers me in that way. When it feels like an attack.

I'm proud of myself. I am.

I'm also frustrated. I feel like I am doing a million things, and also nothing, at the same time. Like all those little million things don't add up to any big things. To something you can measure.

Things on my to-do:

Write and perform a stand-up routine.

Edit the first sketch I shot for a new web series. Write everyday for two hours.

All in all, those don't seem like difficult tasks. They are also in addition to other things - like work, diet, sleep, the unexpected.

I pray for off days - like days when you can do nothing. And then those days arrive and I either spend them doing something - which is not the idea. Or I disappear into misery. Uncertain what to watch. All of a sudden I am wasting my life. All of a sudden no progress is being made.

A few things I was proud of that I wanted to say:

The midterm election. I've wanted to 'get involved' in a real way for a long time. I never understood how. Which now seems stupid. All you have to do is volunteer for one thing, get signed up on one list, and they hound you for the rest of time with opportunities. You need one connection and that is it. I worked four phone banks, all of them in Silverlake. Being around those people - made me feel good. Like all in the world there were people who cared. So many things rack me with guilt. Even enjoyable things. And that didn't. I also did one canvassing - for Katie Hill in Canyon Country. That was really satisfying actually. It was easier and less scary than you would think, and it felt more tangible. Like of the two - this would make an impact, which is what they actually say, and it makes sense. So I was proud that when the election came round, and it went well, so well, that I could then leave it firmly in the past. Because I did my part. Or - a part.

I also posted on Instagram an article from the NY Times about the humanitarian crisis in Yemen. I'm always on the fence with how to be political on social media. It seems like... a slippery slope. I'm not sure how to go about it 'the right way' - if 'not at all' is the better option. I know they say that. But we have this platform it seems criminal not to use it.

I donated to one of the vetted charities. I posted on Twitter, IG and Facebook about it. That was a step for me. I can't explain why but it was. Strongly encourage reading this piece and also donating.

Photo by Tyler Hicks.

I'm still making moves / gestating this blog. This 'global citizen' blog.

Topics in wait - what to do about Facebook.